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George Clooney WeddingGeorge Clooney Wedding

published October 2nd, 2014

On September 30th 2014 thousands of women (and probably a few men) all over the world wept into their Corn Flakes as they woke to the news that George Clooney was now a married man. Yes, now your 0.001% chance of winning the affections of the roguish silver fox are well and truly scuppered.

Clooney, who’s acting CV boasts such cinematic delights as Spy Kids 3-D and Batman & Robin arrived at Venice City Hall with his glowing bride on September 29th to formalise his rather lavish four-day Venetian wedding celebration.

Yes, we’ve listed two of his career low points to help make you feel better about things. He’s not perfect, he’s a human being who makes human errors (notably when it comes to choosing scripts). He probably deserves your heart as much as Batman & Robin deserves an Oscar.

Just remember that, as you don your black armband and mope around the house singing “Could've Been Me” while pouring your fourth glass of gin and tonic. At the moment your heart is frozen. Let it go.

Okay, that probably didn’t make you feel any better, but it was worth a shot. Maybe you regard Batman & Robin as a cinematic masterpiece. After all, there’s no accounting for taste…

So what now for Clooney’s pantheon of adoring fans? After years of turning down other men and bombarding his official Twitter account (that’s probably not actually official) with tweets declaring their undying love, George has finally pulled the rug from beneath his admirers feet and stolen the sun from their hearts. Well, he hasn’t just stolen their heart, he’s ripped it out and kicked it into a bottomless chasm. Sorry, his heart belongs to another. He’s made that pretty clear now.

Still, deep down the average woman knew she was chasing a rainbow. Actors only marry other actors, or musicians, or supermodels, right? So there wasn’t a cat in Hell’s chance of him tying the knot with say… a lawyer.

Oh wait, he actually did marry a lawyer. Crumbs, so maybe if you were in the legal profession that could have been you donning the custom-made Oscar de la Renta wedding gown (the perfect companion to the groom’s Giorgio Armani tux).

That must really cut deep. Especially if you opted for a career in acting in the hope that you and George may one day cross paths.

So who’s the lucky lady who made an honest man of George “I’m not the settling down type” Clooney?

Step forward, 36-year-old British-Lebanese lawyer, Amal Alamuddin, who has recently crept into the limelight by having the controversial WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, former Prime Minister of Ukraine Yulia Tymoshenko and the King of Bahrain as her clients.

Of course she’s now most famous for being George Clooney’s wife. Sorry to rub that in again.

Before the green-eyed monster has you defacing photos of the new Mrs Clooney, besieging her with venomous tweets or sticking an image bearing her likeness to your punch bag just remember that she’s now Mrs George Clooney. She can’t so much as pass wind in an elevator or eat a sandwich in public without being photographed a hundred times. Bear that in mind the next time you walk to the shops for milk, and go virtually unnoticed.

The pictures were sold exclusively to HELLO! and People for charity, where all of the wedding secrets are revealed including the inside scoop on the outfits, cake and the famous guests. George told People that 'marriage feels pretty damn great'.

George Clooney Wedding