The Bridezilla Syndrome
published March 25th, 2014
This year marks the 50th anniversary of everyones favorite Japanese monster and pop culture icon, Godzilla. To mark the occasion Warner Bros. present the creatures eponymous new movie starring Bryan Cranston, who played Walter “Heisenberg" White in Breaking Bad. Heisenberg may be the one who knocks, but Godzilla abandons such civilities by simply crushing your home to smithereens - and then eating you.
Yes, Godzilla is certainly a force to be reckoned with, but if there’s one creature who could send him fleeing back to the depths of the ocean it’s the formidable BRIDEZILLA!
So we have a rampaging, self-obsessed beast and a danger to humanity pitted against... Godzilla.
The good news is that Godzilla is a fictional creation. The bad news is that Bridezilla is very much alive and well, and ready to explode at any given moment. To make matters worse there’s not just one Bridezilla, but a whole army of them - and you won’t know she’s there until you hear the faint ringing of wedding bells in the distance… and by then it’s probably too late.
Of course “Bridezilla” isn’t literally a female version of Godzilla that runs around in a wedding dress kicking cars through windows, but it’s a term used for brides-to-be who take to the controls of the only event in world history that really matters - their wedding day.
This can be a particularly daunting experience if you’re the groom as by the time you realise you’re marrying a Bridezilla then there’s no way out of it. At least not with all your body parts intact. Although it’s not just the groom who suffers, it’s anyone remotely connected with the wedding. Wedding party, photographer, planners, cake makers, et al - even the wedding website designer will be left a quivering wreck by the end of it all.
The question is how do we spot a Bridezilla? The other question is how do we subdue the beast? The problem is that any bride-to-be can potentially become a Bridezilla. In the world of wedding planning, stress levels are high and immune systems are low - combine these two elements with sleep deprivation and you’ve got yourself a problem of epic proportions. Even the shy, retiring, Miss Mouse could suddenly run amok.
Once the Bridezilla is on the warpath then there’s really no stopping them, so it’s best to try and prevent the transformation of mild-mannered bride to crazy-woman-with-bunny-boiler-tendencies before the scenario occurs. Nipping it in the bud before it happens will save you a whole heap of trouble!
To combat the Bridezilla you should consider these steps:
1. Get it together. Sit down in front of a mirror and remind yourself that you’re not the centre of the universe. Other people exist and they have feelings. You’re the not first and certainly not the last person to get married and it’s just one day in your entire lifetime. Close your eyes and think of a calm blue ocean - one that doesn’t have monsters lurking beneath it.
2. Delegate some wedding tasks to the groom or other bridal party members. Now forget about those tasks and don’t kill anybody if those tasks are not carried out to your high standards of perfection.
3. Don’t let small issues become huge problems by magnifying them out of all proportion. Nobody cares how the napkins are folded. Seriously. Nobody cares.
4. Don’t walk all over your loved ones in order to make your day "perfect". It won’t be perfect, at least not in the way you imagine. It’s simple, treat others how you’d like to be treated and people will go out of their way to help you. A day will come and go, your loved ones will be around for the rest of your life. If you take this advice.
5. Create a wedding curfew. So no talking about your wedding after 9pm, or a wedding “time out” when you don’t talk about wedding things between certain hours of the day.
6. If you’re prone to violent outbursts then invest in a punchbag. In the event that a member of your wedding party drops the ball then tape a picture of their face to the punchbag and punch it until you collapse from sheer exhaustion. You’ll feel better in the morning.
Ignore this advice at your peril, but know that once the Bridezilla “kicks in” the only cure is a nice long honeymoon on an island - ideally a deserted island.
Finally, one thing should be made clear. “Bridezilla” seems to be a very gender-specific term, but don’t think that the groom can’t also develop the disease. He can. In this instance it would just be known as Multiple Personality Disorder or Temporary Insanity. Besides, Groomzilla doesn’t have the same ring to it, and an image of a monster running around in a suit and tie just isn’t the same.