STRESS! STRESS!! STRESS!! !

Keeping your head when all about are losing theirs!! This is an article especially for you brides. He's proposed, you've accepted and now comes the fun part, the planning of the big day. Yes, I say fun part, because that is what it should be. How do we keep relaxed and happy while planning the big day?

I don't know about you, but as the wedding day has got nearer I've had friends wailing in my ear,'I'm not sure I even want to get married anymore it's too much stress', I've even had friends threatening to run off, ignore the ready made plans and just get hitched away from it all and everyone they know!

What leads to these drastic thoughts - well obviously stress, but what has caused this level of stress and how do we avoid it when planning our own big day.

Let's look at the scenario set before us. Groom and his thoughts; Your parents and their ideas, with particular emphasis on Mom; His parents and their plans; Siblings, who all have an opinion!!!!

Hopefully you can see the equation forming from the above; this is everybody coming together under one roof, think Christmas, Thanks Giving, Birthdays, only double it and then you will have an appreciation of how fraught things can become, if we let them get out of hand.

That's right Ladies, we are in control and our mission - fun.

Let's tackle the groom first. He may want to get involved in the planning. This is great if he does, you are a couple and you can plan together, what vows you would like to say to each other at the ceremony, what music you would like, where you want the reception and the honeymoon, what type of wedding cake you would like, fruit, sponge, chocolate, etc, choosing the rings. If he is this hands on and wants to go with you to book the florist, your hair appointment, your beautician, great, enjoy spending the time together and choosing things that you both like. Now, that's the important phrase because it leads to harmony 'choosing things that you both like.' Don't insist on a chocolate wedding cake, if he doesn't like chocolate cake (I'm serious some people don't eat chocolate cake!). Marriage is all about compromise and this is a good time to start learning it.

What if your groom has no interest in planning for the wedding? Well, as mentioned above there are some things he will probably want to have a say in like where to honeymoon, unless he is horizontal. However, don't get yourself all upset if he's not too interested in planning all the other little details. I'm sure by now you know what type of guy you are marrying and if he is not the type to get involved in the planning then don't make your life and his miserable by insisting. Do the bare minimum together and do the rest yourself. I'm sure you mom or friends are going to be a whole lot more enthusiastic about the type of flowers you want and the color of your bridesmaids dresses, etc, etc, than any guy I know! Let's face it these are the things we love doing, but there not guy things!

The last piece of advice on the groom is when the two of you have decided exactly what you want; then it is very important that you back each other up and stick to your guns in front of both sets of parents, remember you two are going to be one, so you need to be united!

This brings us nicely on to well meaning parents, helpful parents and darn-right interfering parents! The big question to look at here is who is paying for what? Yes, it really is that simple. Dear old Mom or maybe it's Mom-in-law, she only wants to help, but maybe the words 'over bearing' are more suited. If you find your whole wedding is being taken over and planned without your consent and; you don't want it taken over; then you need to sort it out. If Mom is the problem, sometimes a little word in Dad's ear can help and he can gently pull Mom to one side or you may be able to do it yourself.

If the problem is Mom-in-Law then this is really for your 'husband to sort out'. Again a quiet word telling her how much you appreciate her wanting to help and then give her an area where she can be of help without domineering. It's good to have help, so tell them you love that they are helping you, but then be honest enough to say 'I don't need help in this area, I've got it covered, but I would really appreciate help with so and so.

What if you feel your reception has been hijacked by your parents/his parents' friends. Well, are they paying for the reception? If they are, what's your problem? As long as you have invited everyone you want to celebrate with you, does it really matter if there is a group of people you don't know? Remember your parents are celebrating too, this is a big day for them too, their little girl is becoming a woman in her own right and it doesn't matter if you're 35 and getting married, you're still their little girl! The same goes for his parents, it's their day too, he's their little boy!

What if you are paying for the reception and they want their friends or some of the relatives you haven't invited to come. This is the time for you and your groom to sit down and say, we have budgeted for our reception, we have thinned our list down to fit our budget and if you want Uncle Charlie and Auntie Madge and your friends from the bridge club then we are quite happy for them to come, but you will have to pay for them. This is fair enough and don't be swayed otherwise. If your venue is just too small to accommodate them then say so. Remember this is your wedding day, your parents and his parents had their own!

What if grandma, Mom, etc want you to wear their wedding dress? Fine if that's what you want, but what if it isn't? This takes tact. Explain that you love their wedding dress, but you want your own wedding dress to make your own memories with and maybe you've got your heart set on a particular style, tell them so, they'll understand.

What about siblings, they don't tend to interfere, but can be awkward about what you want them to wear. This is not the time to be mean to them, try to come up with something they can feel at home in and that you will find acceptable. If your brother's into heavy rock, make him leave his Metallica t-shirt in the wardrobe, it won't hurt him to dress up a little on such an important day for you, but don't make him wear a suit if it's not absolutely necessary. If he's not a key player at the wedding then a shirt and pants should be fine. The same for your sister, if she's a bridesmaid, dress her in something that suits her, don't make her wear all frills if she's going to look ridiculous, be kind and thoughtful and then everyone can enjoy the day, not just you.

With all the above sorted, you should be able to relax and enjoy yourself. Think of the fun you can have visiting bridal gown shops trying on endless dresses, then choosing a bridal bouquet and posies for your bridesmaids, not to mention flowers for the wedding venue and reception, then on to the cake shop to look at designs and all with loved ones in tow whether it is your intended or your Mom or your friends.

Planning your wedding should be this easy and this enjoyable, my wedding was, follow the above and make sure yours will be too.

Happy Planning!

WEDDING SPEECHES

What wedding would be complete without them? You may be a raconteur or fully at ease speaking in public and making a speech will be no big deal, but some of us struggle in this area and the thought of standing up in front of all the guests has us wanting to run a mile.

I have seen many a nervous best man pacing with bits of paper in his hand, sweaty palms and mouthing words to himself and with a look that says 'I'm about to be tortured, help!'

So for the more shy and retired amongst us, let's take a look at what we can do to make ourselves more at ease in the roll that has been thrust upon us.

Firstly, if you have been asked to be the best man. It is a great honor! Don't turn it down because of your dread of speaking in public - this is a day the groom wants to be perfect and you are his first choice, so grin and bear it.

When making speeches we need to take a leaf from the boy scouts - always be prepared. Our speech doesn't have to be long; it does need to be succinct.

Write your speech down. The first draft will not be the last draft and we need to reread and refine what we have written until we are happy with the content of what we are going to say.

It's worth running our speech by somebody we trust as other input and comment is always good, but don't be tempted to get somebody else to write it for you - it needs to come from you!

Once our speech is written, then it is time to practice. How do we become good at speaking in public? Easy, we keep reading our speech out loud, making sure we are speaking loudly, clearly and not too fast. The tendency when we stand up in front of people is to race our way through whatever we are doing so that we get it over and done with. That's why we are practicing; so we can get rid of all the bad habits of mumbling and fidgeting. Practice projecting your voice to the back of a large room or maybe go and stand in the garden and start reading it out loud. The more times you read it out loud, the more familiar it will become and the more you will get used to standing up in a large space and hearing your voice booming out.

You will also need to look at your breathing. Take breaths and pauses at the end of sentences, this technique will help you slow down and speak at a steady pace.

Don't worry about memorizing your speech, this is not important so don't pressurize yourself and think you have to know it - read from what you have written. A word of advice on this subject, don't have scrappy, hand written, torn, well thumbed pieces of paper. Type your speech onto a sensible letter size piece of paper or four or five sheets if necessary. Type in a large easily readable font and have wide spacing between the lines, this will stop the words becoming a blur in front of your eyes if you start to get nervous.

Also don't be tempted to drink too much before your speech, nobody, not even the most eloquent of speakers has ever sounded good whilst tipsy or drunk. Do however make sure that your throat is not dry, have water close by and don't be afraid to pause and take a couple of sips if you need it.

Now that we've got the basics out the way, who normally makes speeches and what should they say?

The Father of the Bride - Dad it's your job as 'head of the household' to share with everyone at the wedding the joyous memories of your little girl growing up and ending with congratulating the happy couple and a toast to the bride and groom. I'm sure you will have one or two stories from her years growing up - maybe the fact that today she is looking a vision in white, but you knew a time when you couldn't get her to wear a dress because she was such a tom-boy. You may want to mention the gawky stage she went through; maybe the puppy fat and the braces and then comment on how beautiful she looks today. It's your job to mention how proud you and Mom are of her, what she has accomplished in her life time to date and you may have an amusing story to share with everyone on her younger years. It is also your job to welcome the groom into your family, to pay tribute to his parents and to thank everyone for coming to the wedding and sharing the day with you all. Your toast is to the bride and groom.

The Groom - It's your job to talk about how happy you are to be joining your bride's family and to thank them for allowing you to marry their daughter. Thank your best man for the role he has played throughout the day and your guests for joining in the celebration. It is traditionally your job to thank both Moms and present them with flowers or a little gift. It is then your job to talk about the bride, how you met and how you fell in love. You may want to share one or two anecdotes about your early dates together, your first disagreement or how you realized she was the one. Your toast at the end should be to the bride.

The Best Man - Your speech needs to thank the bridesmaids, matron of honor, flower girls and page boys, give them gifts and to toast them. Thank the guests for coming. It is now your job to talk about the groom, his bachelor days, funny incidents, maybe even an embarrassing incident. You can share funny, sad or serious stories. You also need to mention how changed the groom is since he met his bride and talk a little of the two of them together. Things not to mention in your speech are ribald stories; anything blue; in fact anything that you would not be happy to mention in front of a vicar or priest in a church setting. Avoid talking about ex-girlfriends - it is never as funny or clever as you might think. Remember the groom is probably your best mate - share the good things and have a laugh at his expense, but remember your audience, older relatives and younger children. Some things should have be said at the stag night and only at the stag night! Lastly, your final toast should be to the bride and groom.

Obviously nowadays there are others that may make a speech - the bride, the bridesmaid, etc, but follow the above guidelines and you won't go wrong.

If you really are stuck for some things to say then here are a few inspirational lines, some funny, some serious from some of the famous that you may want to add into your speech.

Mae West:
Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for. He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Jane Austen:
A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.

George Bernard Shaw:
Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.

Oscar Wilde:
The amount of women in London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous. It looks so bad. It is simply washing one's clean linen in public.

Sir Winston Churchill:
Where does the family start? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl - no superior alternative has yet been found.

Lord Byron:
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all.

Mignon McLaughlin:
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

William Shakespeare:
He is the half part of a blessed man,
Left to be finished by such as she;
And she a fair divided excellence,
Whose fullness of perfection lies in him.

STYLE TRENDS FOR YOUR WEDDING - SUMMER 2007 AND INTO 2008

So what are brides wearing this Summer? Well, I'm certainly not seeing any preference in the color department - white and cream proving equally popular at the moment. Colors coming to the fore are antique gold and pale baby pink.

The strong theme still in evidence and very much happening this summer is the strapless bodice look wedding dress. This is a style that can be worn very plain, with billowing satin at the front, but emphasizing strong detail at the back, large bows, corsetry and buttons making the style breathtaking all round.

As in previous years we are still seeing a lot of intricate beaded bodices in silver, finely embroidered bodices in gold and silver leaf and flower patterns; and Swarovski crystal detail is becoming popular. The other look with this dress is the overskirt, held up with bows and this year's hot ruffles look with the underskirt in delicate lace.

All these styles are still gracing the catwalks, but what is the one strong theme aside from ruffles to have emerged now and set to be big into 2008 - it's florals with a particular emphasis on roses. The catwalk was strewn with them and the bridal shops are full of them.

The other key style emerging as a favorite is the demure yet plunging v-necked sleeveless dress, which is giving a simple but sophisticated look - think the young Sophie Loren. The wide straps covered in beautiful beading work following down to the neck line making this a breathtaking look - dare I say, not a look for the flatter chested amongst us, unless you add this season's ruffles. The beauty of the dress though, is its creative artwork up top with simple skirt, not too flared out. Think Hollywood, classy and classic, because this is very much the look you will achieve if you choose this style.

The other way to wear this style is all lace - think J Lo's wedding and you will get the picture. This is a grown up dress, but whichever way you do this dress you will ooze femininity.

Veils? I'm seeing a preference towards mid length and very plain so as not to detract from the intricate beauty of the dresses.

Tiara's look like they're here to stay with 7 out of 10 brides choosing to wear one on their big day and although I have seen larger and elaborate tiaras, this seasons look is being worn smaller and more delicate.

With this year's theme of florals, I have also seen a lot of rose design hair accessories to compliment the dress.

The main looks being favored in the hair department are the up-do and then at the other extreme the natural flowing locks, but don't be fooled, to get that effortless free natural look will take the skills of an experienced hairdresser who will carefully craft your hair to create this look! I am sure you have washed your long hair many times, dried it and worn it natural - only to see that to really create this look is an art in itself.

For those daring, stand out brides amongst you there is always the short version dress. I've seen this look done well and I've seen it done very badly. This is not for the faint hearted; walking up the aisle in a short dress is making a statement, make sure it's making the right one! Of course, if you are not walking up an aisle and having a simple civil service then a short dress can look sensational and there are plenty of styles to choose from out there.
My advice to brides if you are walking up an aisle or having a traditional type of wedding then wear long - why? because this will be the one chance you get to create the whole vision of the bridal look.

What are grooms wearing? The inspiration on the catwalks is wide collar shirts and large, large ties! Suits are all shades, but single breasted seemed to be more favored than the double breasted look. Formal suits never look out of place - they fit weddings year in year out.

The other trend for men this year is the tuxedo and there were plenty to be seen strutting down the catwalk.

What about guests? The fashion look of the year is black and white. The look can be seen in all the high street shops. This look is being done in a myriad of ways, two tone, stripes, checks, animal prints, and spots. There has not been a wedding I have attended this year where I have not seen black and white. In fact, at least half of the wedding guests were in black and white. It looks good, it looks dressy and it makes for a great wedding outfit. If you're attending a wedding this season and haven't bought your outfit yet then this is definitely the look to go for - it's fashionable and wearable.

Lastly on the trends front - the wedding cake. The overwhelming theme here is flowers. There are roses, roses everywhere and still on the floral theme, little spring blossoms, daisies, poppies, sunflowers. Tiered cakes , single layer cakes, a pyramid of cupcakes, pastel shades, bold shades, monochrome, fruit cake, sponge cake, chocolate cake, it really doesn't matter but if you want to be totally 'now' you need flowers somewhere on your cake.